Hope you all have great holidays and I will talk to you soon!

Right now he is practising his walking by going back and forth in front of me while watching Sesame Street. It's very cute.

Dear friends,

Warm greetings to all near and far...

In March, I was in the Philippines visiting family and friends during the State of Emergency (more accurately, the "undeclared" Martial Law). Since then, I have received regular news of journalists, student leaders, church people, and activists who have 'disappeared' or have been killed. The Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (GMA) Administration in the Philippines is attempting to silence the voices of those who speak for the people. The Philippines is now the second most dangerous place for journalists (2nd to Iraq) and trade unionists (2nd to Colombia).

The latest violent attack was against a physician, Dr. Claver and his family, leaving his wife dead. Here is an excerpt from the Filipino Nurse's Support Group (Vancouver) statement:

Filipino nurses in Canada join the public outcry against the brutal targeting in the attempted killing of another political activist, Dr. Constancio "Chandu" Claver Jr. on July 31 at around 6:30am. The killers, believed to be military operatives, also targeted Dr. Chandu Claver's wife, Alice, and their 7-year old daughter, Cassandra by ambushing their van with high powered rifles in Bulanao, Tabuk. While Dr. Chandu Claver continues to fight for his survival and Cassandra managed to stay alive but is deeply traumatized by the shooting, Alice was not able to survive after struggling for life for five hours from two gunshot wounds in the left arm and chest. Dr. Constancio "Chandu" Claver, a native of Bontoc is the Chairperson of Bayan Muna-Kalinga and Vice Chairperson of CPA-Kalinga. He has been a doctor of the masses for decades, being the Executive Director of the former Community Health and Education Concerns for Kalinga-Apayao (CHECK-A). Chandu is known as a staunch advocate of human rights, peace, and justice. The killing of Alice leaves a family, entire clans, people and women's organizations and communities in deep grief.

Below is a statement from Canadian human rights organizations calling on the Canadian government to act.

Take care,
Lynn

[If you want to read the statement, click and read on.]

A national statement of concerned Canadians
12 July 2006

In an unprecedented orgy of arbitrary arrests, forced disappearances and killings of the opposition to her government, Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (GMA) has remained impassive and unmoved despite numerous calls by local and international bodies for a stop to this carnage.

In the last few weeks, we have witnessed the GMA administration commit grave violations of people’s civil liberties and human rights. On June 26, three University of the Philippines-Diliman students, Karen Empeneo, Sheryln Cadapan and Manuel Merino were abducted in Bulacan, Central Luzon by six suspected elements of the military. The three students are members of progressive youth and student organizations. On July 3, , seven officers of PISTON, an organization of transportation drivers, were abducted by elements of the 56 th Infantry Battalion, 69th Infantry Battalion, and the Philippine National Police. These incidents are only the latest in GMA’s intensifying campaign of state terror being wielded against legal and progressive national democratic activists and organizations.

No less than 170 legal and progressive national democratic activists have been victims of forced disappearances since GMA took office in 2001 according to the human rights group Karapatan. More than700 progressive activists and supporters have also been killed allegedly by government forces or their agents according to Marie Hilao-Enriquez, head of Karapatan.

As peace- and democracy-loving Canadians we express our deep concern over the fact that the increase in human rights violations and political killings coincides with GMA’s declaration of all-out war against revolutionary forces of the Communist Party of the Philippines (CPP) and the New People’s Army (NPA) almost three weeks ago. We find it appalling that GMA would make such a declaration of war in effect abandoning the possibility of peace-builiding through peace negotiations with the revolutionary forces of the CPP and NPA through the National Democratic Front of the Philippines (NDFP).

Likewise, as human rights advocates, we are appalled at the enormity of this situation of impunity given that the Philippines is considered a democratic country by the Canadian government meriting more than $600 billion in bilateral aid to the country. Most of these monies are supposedly to support responsible governance and private sector development.

We do not believe that the government is sincere in its pronouncements to go after the perpetrators of these crimes, for while it pretends to ‘investigate’, the killings and disappearances continue unabated. President GMA has clung to power in the face of repeated calls for her resignation due to corruption and other charges but she has responded with an iron fist and resorted to fascist methods to eliminate or cow her opposition.

She can only do so with the help of foreign governments including Canada by pouring foreign aid to her government. As peace-loving Canadians, we are deeply distressed that the Canadian government is in effect abetting and aiding in this human carnage, contrary to its stated values of respect for human rights and the promotion of peace.

If Canada truly stands by her avowed embrace of human rights, it must send a strong message to GMA by withholding any aid until the killings and disappearances are stopped.

We call on Canada to use its international reputation as a promoter of peace to encourage the Philippine government to resume the oft-postponed peace negotiations with the NDFP. Only when the root causes of the civil conflict in the country which has been raging for more than 37 years be addressed can a truly just and lasting peace reign in the country.

As Canadians, we are committed to continue and heighten our genuine solidarity with the Filipino people in these troubling times. In our recently concluded conference on June 21, over 70 participants from Canada, the US, Europe and the Philippines agreed to a statement of concern and action plan to call for a stop to the killings.

We vowed in North America to hold a coordinated day of action to coincide with the Filipino people’s protest against GMA’s State of the Nation Address on July 24, 2006. There will be various protest actions in Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and other cities at their respective Philippine consulates on July 24, 2006.

STOP THE DISSAPEARANCES AND KILLINGS NOW!
RESUME THE PEACE NEGOTIATIONS WITH THE NDFP!
SUPPORT THE FILIPINO PEOPLE’S CALL TO OUST PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO!

Statement of:
British Columbia Committee for Human Rights in the Philippines (BCCHRP)
Ontario Committee for Human Rights in the Philippines (OCHRP)
Philippine Network for Justice and Peace – Toronto (PNJP)
Centre for Philippine Concerns - Montreal
Centre for Philippine Concerns -- Winnipeg

First we have the boy:

Then we have the cake. Which annoyed me because the icing turned out pretty unmanageable. It was a new recipe and it was really hard to work with. At least I know for next year--just stick with good old buttercream frosting.

Boy + Cake =

All-in-all a pretty good first cake experience.

One year ago today I met Liam. Twelve hours before that I ran up the stairs to go to the bathroom and thought, "shit, I can't believe I didn't make it!" I thought I had peed my pants, but in fact my water had broke. I'll let you know right now--if you don't want to hear about bodily functions, you really should ignore this post. Move along, nothing to see here--this is a birth story, if you choose to read it, be prepared for strong language and content clearly catagorized as TMI.

Even though my first thought was that I peed, I had a feeling that it was more than that so I called Steve and told him that I thought my water had broke but I wasn't sure and he told me to call the doctor. How sensible, okay. Yep sure enough, broken membranes according to the doctor. She also said that things may or may not progress on their own, so if I wasn't getting contractions by the next day we would discuss inducing. I think that the mention of nothing happening until the next day prompted me to lose my mind and I called Steve back to tell him what the doctor had told me and that we could probably still go shopping for baby stuff after he got off work.

Yes Internet, I thought that my water breaking was no big deal and that I would go shopping. You see, my due date was not for another 17 days and Steve and I had planned on doing all the baby supply shopping that we still hadn't done--it was a lot of stuff. We had booked a car and were ready to go and then this little person decided to do the cha-cha-cha on our newly-laid plans with his tiny little stillettos--really just the first time of many.

Anyway, I had heard somewhere to keep yourself busy when you're waiting to go into labour. Mainly that you should have a shower, go for a walk and eat. So I had a shower and started packing a suitcase for the hospital and then decided to go up to Shopper's Drug Mart to pick up a few things that I still needed. By the time I got up the hill, I started to get a tightness in my back that kinda reminded me of menstrual cramps but there was nothing in the front so I didn't think they were contractions. Yes, I'll repeat that for you, my water broke and I was feeling menstrual cramps, but it didn't occur to me that this was early labour. I swear pregnancy makes you stupid. By the time I was on my way home, I wasn't feeling so hot so I called Steve to let him know that I was having a bit of pain, but that we would still try to go shopping. REALLY obsessed with the shopping--geez.

I think it was about 1pm by this time and by 3pm I was clearly having contractions about 10 minutes apart so I called Steve to tell him to come home. He wasn't able to concentrate anyway and said he was planning to come home already. There was STILL talk of the shopping (WTF?!?) but by the time he got home and we were getting ready to go it was clear that I could not walk around a store in my condition so Steve went out for some must haves - a baby outfit for the trip home from the hospital and a part needed for the car seat. I told him to pick up food at Wendy's on his way home because my mental list said that I should eat before I go to the hospital and I hadn't completed that one yet.

By 5pm I was very uncomfortable and agitated and wondering where the hell Steve was and packing my bag was pissing me off because I would think of something and then start to do it and then I'd get a contraction and forget everything and have check my list and get on track and repeat, repeat repeat--SHIT! Five minutes is not enough time for me to keep on task apparently. Our friends Jess and Guy called to ask us to do something (I don't recall what) and I said "actually, do you think you might be able to give us a ride to the hospital?" I called the doctor and told her that my contractions are 4 minutes apart and I want to go in, she told me that was fine and she would let the hospital know to expect me. And the thought of eating anything made me want to wretch, so I never did check that off my to do list.

The car ride SUCKED! Sucked ass even. I couldn't get comfortable and the contractions were speeding up and Guy insisted on turning corners--FUCK! Every bump we went over was a shotgun blast into my lower spine. We got into the Labour and Delivery area at around 6:30pm and were met by a less than friendly nurse saying things like "diversion" and "not enough beds" and WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I AM HAVING A BABY OVER HERE! So we sat and waited and waited and waited and then we got to go behind a curtain and I layed on a gurney and then guess what? We waited. At 8pm a doctor finally comes in to assess me and I am 4cm dilated and my prize for this is that I get to go in an ambulance to St. Paul's. St. Paul's--that beautiful brick building 4 BLOCKS FROM MY APARTMENT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

I can remember making a lot of noise and the paramedic telling me to breathe in deep and blow out the pain. That didn't make it any better, screaming made it better, I went with screaming. He might be a father of 7 (OMG 7!) but I'll bet your ass he's never been in labour. It's my party, I'll scream if I want to.

So, we get into our room, finally, and I feel better--now I can just concentrate on OW, OW, OWWWWWW. And then, guess what--we wait. I can't stop staring at the clock because I am in a lot of pain and no one is checking me and I'm sure that I'm going to be fully dilated ANY MINUTE and no one will know and then, I don't know, but it will be bad. In the meantime we get set up with the nitrous oxide and try a bunch of different positions--none of which feel any better, the kid's head is resting on my spine, I don't think shifting from my back to my side is gonna do it. The nurse suggests trying the bath, so I do for exactly one contraction, then back to the bed where the nitrous is for more staring at the clock and the door. The doctor checks me at 10pm and I'm at 8cm and asks if I want anything for the pain because I can expect 2-4 hours of puching once I'm fully dilated.

Holy crap, 2-4 more hours AFTER I get to the fully dilated part. Then I panic and decide that I don't want to do this anymore, which I am told is not an option so I settle for some phentanol. They put the IV in and give me half a dose and it's okay, I guess, and then the nurse is about to give me more when everything gets really intense and I am waiting for the contraction to end and it isn't and "OH MY GOD WHY ISN'T IT LETTING UP?!?!" to which the nurse announced, "it sounds like she's in transition." Let me tell you, that sounds a lot more peaceful than it feels.

It's now 11pm and the doctor is surprised that I am indeed fully dilated and now I must rely on only the nitrous to get me through the pushing. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I don't have a lot of patience and this makes the pushing stage SO FRUSTRATING. I remember pushing so hard and it seeming like nothing was happening over and over. I can remember thinking "2-4 hours--HELL NO!" and pushing harder than I ever thought possible because I am not doing this for 4 more fucking hours!

Steve did a great job of counting down the pushing and switching masks for me. I used the nitrous for the contraction and then I had to breathe oxygen in between because baby's vitals would dip. This also resulted in them using a bit of suction, which was weird because I could hear and feel when it sliped off his head. And at this point I was waiting and dreading the "ring of fire" that would indicate his crowning. And I gotta say, I didn't really notice because he all of a sudden popped out and all I felt was relief. It was 12:03am and someone said look and I looked down between my legs and I don't know if I said it or just thought it, "Holy crap, it's a baby!" Like I thought I'd be getting something else at that point? And I asked what it was and they said a boy and I was so happy because I got to say I told you so since I knew it was a boy right from the start.

I saw Steve and he looked very lost so I yelled at him to go with the baby. I probably could have said something nicer but I became mother bear who didn't trust any of the professionals in the room to take care of my child without Steve's watchfull eye. And then there was the placenta (ew) and the stitching (ouch) and then finally everyone left and I got to be with my two guys and everything was perfect. And it still is.

That's how you came into the world. I love you Liam. Happy 1st Birthday.

My first Mother's Day was really nice. I got to stay in bed a little longer than usual and Steve did all the morning baby stuff (except nursing, of course--he STILL hasn't figured out how to do that one) then we went for a morning walk to get croissants and coffee. What a beautiful morning--bright blue sky and already so warm at 8:30 am. Then Steve gave me my present from him and Liam--a certificate for an all-frills-including-paraffin pedicure. I am VERY excited to use it as I LOVE to have my feet touched. Sadly, I have really awful cracked ugly feet. I think Steve's willingness to touch my feet is one of the main reasons that I married him.

So, after Liam's nap we had a picnic lunch at Vanier Park and watched the kites and baby ducks and then took the Aquabus home. Liam went down for another nap and Steve and I lazed around the house and read. I took a bath--oh the luxury--and Steve gave Liam his dinner then we played for a bit and Steve took Liam upstairs for his bath and put him to bed. And now we have the evening to ourselves.

What a great day! A big thanks goes out to my two guys for making it so special for me. Make sure you tune in later this week for some pictures of our family day out.

Liam and Julia are both cruising, but not yet walking and they were pretty cute to watch going around the circular bench. Though Julia was easily distracted by pine cones that must be eaten--for if not to eat what are pine cones good for?

Liam and I have playdates set up for every day of the week next week. I will take the camera and actually take some pictures so you can see lots of babies eating sand and poking each other in the eye. Big fun.

Yesterday I had my first cantaloupe since Sam disappeared and that simple act really drove home that he is gone. Tomorrow will be two weeks--at this point it would be near to a miracle if he showed up on our doorstep. Even though he drove me batty sometimes, I really love him and it tears me apart that he may have died alone and scared or in pain.

It makes me sad enough that I'm not sure if I'll be buying cantaloupe again.

Poor kitty, I sure miss him.

It's so exciting to see him change from a baby to a real little boy. Man, do I ever love this kid!

I am another year older and I guess once again I don't feel any different. Except that there is a baby yelling at me because he is refusing to sleep, so I guess I better go submit to his will.

And Happy Birthday to the Lauren half of Soapboxgirls, I hope you have a great time tonight and I wish we could be there.

Then Liam decided that he needed to get up at 4:45 am. I nursed him back to sleep and then he woke up an hour later, so I brought him into our bed where he refused to go back to sleep. He did, however, take this opportunity in the big bed to crawl all over the place, bouncing and squealing and pulling hair and generally refusing to let Very Tired Mommy sleep. And do you know what Steve did? He got up, took the baby and let me go back to sleep while he got ready for work. I'm pretty sure that he was just as tired as me, but he did this incredibly generous and nice thing for me and I am grateful and I want him (and the Internet, I guess) to know how much I appreciate it.

I suspect that he was more willing to do this knowing that he was going to be out all evening playing hockey, but he didn't have to and that's what makes it so fabulous. He even got Liam dressed and gave him breakfast so I could just make coffee when I got up and not have to rush around. Yay! And it's not even my birthday yet!