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November 01, 2005

For the love of God, GO TO SLEEP!

So, I've learned a tried and true parenting lesson. If at anytime you are feeling comfortable and in control and think "hey, I can do this." WATCH THE HELL OUT! Because the fiery pits of hell are surely around the corner. What brings me to this conclusion today of all days you ask?

Liam has decided that sleep is an unnecessary construct created by the parental class for his oppression. He wants none of it and he isn't interested in my explanations that it is a biological need. The little dude would happily drift off to sleep in his swing until a few weeks ago when he started getting fussy and it took progressively more work to get him to settle into sleep. Now it is just ridiculous. His eyes are little red slits that he is trying rub right out of the sockets and he constantly takes out his pacifier that sadly he cannot get to sleep without. He will then, instead of putting it back in, gnaw on the side of it all the while make this long gutteral groaning noise which seems to say, "why? why are you doing this to me again? make it stop." Right back at ya, dude, right back at you.

And he suddenly will not go back to sleep after feeding in the middle of the night. For a couple of weeks I was able to put him down and he would just settle back into sleep on his own. Now, as soon as his head hits the mattress his eyes spring open and all appendages head for his mouth. About half of the time I have been able to hold down his arms and legs and he would settle back into sleep, but last night all percentages were off. I had been up way too long with a very awake baby when I gave up and took him to bed with us - even then he furiously fought the sleep. I think he finally drifted off after about two hours - two hours at 3:30 in the morning means I was up from 3:30 - 5:30 am. I am often incredibly angry in the night these days. Angry with Liam for not going to sleep, angry with Steve for sleeping through Liam not sleeping, angry that Steve can still easily go out with friends and I can't cause my boobs are tethered to the child and then of course I'm angry with myself for being angry. It is a crazy cycle of anger.

I am not good at being angry. It comes out in bitchiness that I cannot control, yet am completely aware of. And I name it, but don't know what to do with it. I'll yell at Steve, "I'M ANGRY." To which he says, "I can tell." And we both sit there helplessly because neither of us are good at anger - any suggestions Dear Internet, about what to do with anger? I don't like it, I want none of it, yet still - there it is. Grrrr...

Oh yeah, sleep, I was talking about Liam and sleep. I know that it is time to start weaning Liam from the swing so that he is put down in his crib to go to sleep, but oh my god, the thought of the nightmare that is going to be makes me dread the coming weeks like the plague - no, more than the plague. I think I would take the festering plague over teaching a baby to sleep anyday. Those of you without children are right now saying, "Oh my god, stop with the drama already!" Those of you with children are thinking if only, if only we could choose the cute, peaceful plague.

I'm holding out hope that this sleep regression that we are currently going through is due to some impending developmental milestone that Liam is reaching - like tomorrow he'll start walking and the sleep will return to normal - well, return to being easier anyway. But I'm not holding my breath for that to happen, or for the plague either, as nice as that would be.

Posted by leah at November 1, 2005 10:29 AM

Comments

Posted by: jocelyn at November 3, 2005 07:43 PM

Posted by: Dean at November 13, 2005 09:19 PM

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